Almost Wow

 I was chatting with my bud, and she said, "It's really sad", as a response to a series of "Wow, xyz" that I was shooting at her and I was like-

"No. Sad is so mainstream and teenager-ish. We are adults. We do Wow."

Now,  I really do not know (or care) if that makes any sense to others but these days everything that happens leaves me with a "Wow". It's like Wow has replaced what used to be 'Fuck' before. At least for me. I am writing this blog, with complete faith that no one would actually bother to read this, hence, it is going to be filled with complete honesty. 

There is an entirely different vibe about having not to worry about critics and feedback and pouring your thoughts out into a blank screen. Eventually words turn into sentences and the blank white screen has black lines filling up it's voids and that's...... Wow?

That's what I feel like. My brain too is like this white screen and whatever you input, it just keeps printing, regardless of whether it is useful or useless. Most of the things going on inside my head lead only to stress and absolutely zero productivity. (I spelled productivity wrong three times before using autocorrect, wow much?)

Please do not think I am forcing the word wow into every paragraph to justify the title. It's now that. I am person who is majorly driven by emotions and I do not even think before typing (or even doing stuff in my real life) so this me- raw, real and with no filters. 

What would you really think of an almost 21 year old, almost mechanical engineer, who has almost no clue about what to do in her life and has an almost boyfriend who is not her boyfriend and will never be? There goes honesty, at your face- age, career, relationship. Almost loser? Pretty much... No. 

There is not even one stable sector of my life, where I can proudly say, "Hey look! I did this!". And it is not like I do not want to. I do. I just dont want anything enough. There, you see? I almost want stuff but the laziness combined with the cowardice within me prevents me from breaking out of my comfort zone. And I can clearly what a wow-worthy first impression I am making with this post lol. Not that it matters. I used to write in my personal diary but well, I have actually lost touch with the pen and paper style writing. I got a new laptop last month, after a LOT of rantings and when I failed to find a good enough journal app for my laptop, I ended up here- a long lost, unattended blog. 

Now that I am reusing it, with a name as cliche as "LiVe LyF KiNg SizE" or whatever it is, I feel comfortable letting inside my head out and hopefully that will help me overcome my laziness and cowardice. Maybe. 

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