Fake Reality

 On 15th, I decided to spend my day in a productive way. The night before, I went to sleep early. I woke up early. I meditated, exercised, studied, chilled, studied and yada yada according to my schedule and trust me when I say it felt great. It was not on point, but the fact that I spent atleast one productive day in a span of six months made me really happy. It's 17th today and I woke up late due to bad sleep last night, needless to say. failed to follow schedule and ended up writing here to let go of my sadness. 

It takes 21 days to build up a habit- twenty one. 

I followed my schedule for one day, that too with a  LOT of self motivation. Waking up early is the key actually. I will try to study today damn. If I skip my afternoon sleep then only I will be able to sleep before 2. Also, my vocabulary has become so horrifying diminished and I seriously need to do something to enrich it again. 

What I realized is, temporary happiness often results in distraction from your goals. Now, you do need a source of getting kick, to get high, to feel energized, to feel peace. But the point is, once you achieve that high, you are supposed to put it to use instead of day dreaming. That is what I do. Day dreaming possibilities of impossible things. It feels so good to imagine things that the mind knows will never come true. Funny thing, we imagine so much, it feels so real but it is not.

When you are a teen and you fall in love for the first time, it is real and enchanting at the same time. When it does not last, you are so scared of going through that mess again so when you are not a teenager anymore, you would prefer fake love. A fake reality, where facts and fiction becomes one- a living paradox. Funny how growing fucks you up to a point where you want things, but the fear of losing them makes you give up even before you try. 

For someone as easy and outgoing as me, making new friends while meeting new people is no trouble. I am empathetic, I understand people and I just kinda ignore most of the things they say while pretending to listen. Not to sound mean or anything but people usually want to vent and they probably wont even bother to whatever advice or consolation you offer wrapped in cute red hearts or whatever. And most people cry over things that did not last. Hell. Nothing lasts.

So it's best to fall back to the cushion of fake reality, feel comforted and get the energy for real life goals.