Black Swan

 I have been single for four years now. Single in the sense that I have not fallen in love to found someone who would fall in love with me since thaaaat long. All the guys I have come across fall into one or all of these categories:

a. not looking for anything serious

b. do not see me more than a friend

c. belong to another state, and meet someone real

d. want sex

e. not ready for commitment

f. not over their exes

I have been looking or love in all the places. But I discussed this issue with my brother, who said, those who are actually ready for serious relationships do no go looking for it. It finds them. Love finds you. The wand chooses the wizard, Harry. The wand decides if you are worthy. Those who want to be in love, make themselves worthy of it. They do not waste their time and energy chasing it, rather they invest it all in self growth so that when the right person comes, they are ready to grow together.

That love, that right person is the black swan. The probability of finding a black swan if you go looking for it is same as that if you sit in one place and wait for it. The difference is only a matter of time. You will come across many white swans, while waiting as well as while chasing. You could keep hoping that maybe one of those white swans would turn into black ones, or get wooed into believing that maybe there is no black swan. But if you believe it  enough, if you have faith, you will build up a home, a means to welcome the black swan and make it feel like it belongs. And all of that will be worth it in the end. It will be the end game- the final destination.

No chasing. No games. No running away.

Just growth, harmony and good experiences.

I have come across so so so so so so many white swans, sometimes I get tired wondering will I ever find love again. When the truth is, I am not ready. I am neither settled nor mature enough to handle a relationship that would potentially end up in marriage. I need to stop sheltering white swans and wasting my resources on them and put more focus and improving myself. I should, except that I cannot. But I will try. 

When he does come, I will be worth him.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fake Reality

 On 15th, I decided to spend my day in a productive way. The night before, I went to sleep early. I woke up early. I meditated, exercised, studied, chilled, studied and yada yada according to my schedule and trust me when I say it felt great. It was not on point, but the fact that I spent atleast one productive day in a span of six months made me really happy. It's 17th today and I woke up late due to bad sleep last night, needless to say. failed to follow schedule and ended up writing here to let go of my sadness.  It takes 21 days to build up a habit- twenty one.  I followed my schedule for one day, that too with a  LOT of self motivation. Waking up early is the key actually. I will try to study today damn. If I skip my afternoon sleep then only I will be able to sleep before 2. Also, my vocabulary has become so horrifying diminished and I seriously need to do something to enrich it again.  What I realized is, temporary happiness often results in distraction from your goals. Now,
Read more

Happy Birthday

Fuck. I decided to let go of cuss words. And look. The first word of my birthday post is Fuck. I am expecting way too much. From too many people. Too much. At 21 no one actually calls at 12. To wish. We are more mature. And of course there is whatsapp. There are groups. Everyone wishes there. Truth to be told, I know it does not matter but to me, it does. I want the attention. I want the love. I want the wishes. I want the blessings. And it does affect me, when people dont wish me. I was always a birthday person. There was a time I hated my birthdays. But I do not do that anymore.  I love myself so much. I have always loved people. Always. I have had times of being an asshole but the part of me that is an asshole is way too insignificant when it comes to the ones that actually care.  Done. It's here. It's my birthday. Exactly one person called me. The one I wanted to be the first one to wish. I turned aero plane mode on so. No one else is gonna call.  Archayyyyyyyy. The people
Read more

Self Sabotaging

 Teenagers do that. Adults? We are expected to be rational to use logic to make decisions that is best suited for the situation- a solution which either solves the problems or second to best, decreases its intensity.  My last relationship ended four years ago- ex moved on by getting into another one. I, on the other hand, had my life shattered in pieces, spread like a mess aimlessly across the empty space of my mind and heart. It took me all these four years to collect my pieces, cleanse them, repair them and fix them back together. I think that is where I went wrong. I should have purchased new pieces altogether.  I saved his number, searched through my older google photos, went through screenshots and saved it so that I could wish him a happy birthday tomorrow. How stupid is that? Within an hour of saving his contact number, his status update showed up. It's just a contact number and he has mine saved. It does not matter it has been four goddamn years. He is happy with his girl.
Read more